


Holding On

by Dramatist23



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: bringing to ao3 because why not, outlet fic, posted a while ago on tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 18:30:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16413611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dramatist23/pseuds/Dramatist23
Summary: This piece is something I wrote to help me get over something difficult that happened in my life. It explores the grief of the sides losing someone that they love, if that kind of thing isn't for you I understand :). But for everyone else, I hope you like it.





	Holding On

“I miss him” Tears stain his cheeks as he clings to the oldest man for some sort of comfort.

“I know…” Patton nods, attempting to remain calm himself, to be strong enough for all of them. He grabs Virgil’s shoulders and turns him so he can look him in the eyes. “But we’ll get through this, okay kiddo? I promise.” Virgil only shakes his head and pulls away from him.

“There’s nothing that you can do! We can’t… he can’t be here with us…” His voice cracks, as if unable to accept his words even if he knows they’re true. Patton frowns, looking at him sadly. 

“We’ll be with him again, maybe not now, and maybe not that soon, but we’ll all be together again.”

“I must agree with Patton” Logan chimes in “The predicament we are in will not last forever, it is irrational to think that. We must concede to our current fate, how we are going about this now is unhealthy, for us, and for Roman.”

“Why am I not surprised that’s what the Tin Man thinks?” Virgil snaps. “Apparently I’m the only one that cares about him. You two just want me to forget him?! Forget every moment, good or bad, just so you don’t have to deal with me grieving about him?”

“That is not what I was implying in the slightest, but Virgil, if you don’t let this go-” He cuts himself off when Patton shoots him an angry look, one that immediately softens when he looks back to Virgil.

“What we’re trying to say, is that you’re holding onto him too tight. It hurts… but, doesn’t going through this all the time only make you feel worse? I’m not saying you’re the only one doing it, some of it comes from Logan and I and… some of it’s from Roman too. He’s holding on, just like you are, but you see how that’s made him, how he looks every single time. He needs to know that it’s okay to loosen his grip a little bit, that we’ll be okay.” He takes Virgil’s hand and squeezes it lightly. “That doesn’t mean that you can’t mourn for him, or that you have to forget him.”

“…I don’t want to loose him more than I already have” He voices quietly, looking up when he hears the familiar sound of Roman singing. It sounded more broken today. Virgil shook his head trying to not think about why. 

Roman himself, appeared almost transparent, around his eyes was sunken in and dark and his hair looked unruly, like he hadn’t brushed it in weeks. His clothes fit him loosely, appearing as if he had lost a significant amount of weight. They were covered up by a long black button down coat that frays at the bottom and blows in the wind as he walks closer to them. His song stopped abruptly as he paused just in front of them, biting back a loud sob. 

“I wish you could hear me” Virgil tears up watching him. “How… how am I supposed to help him? I can’t…it’s useless, I don’t want to ‘loosen my hold’ on him.” Patton takes a deep breath, preparing himself to respond.

“Then just… think of it as saying that you’ll be with him again someday, you can do that right? It’s not goodbye, it’s just… until you can be with each other again.”

“But then what do I do now?” Virgil questions childishly then looks to Logan when he hears him clear his throat. 

“You let him live.” He states plainly, but with somewhat more emotion in his voice than he had before. Virgil looks shocked by the answer before nodding to himself and going to kneel beside Roman where he had collapsed to the ground on his knees. 

“I… I know you can’t hear me“ He almost reaches out to touch him, when he remembers that he can’t, his voice quivers. “Princey…” He whispers the nickname like it’s his lifeline. “If you do nothing else for however long, I want… I want you to take care of yourself for me okay? You should never have to feel this way, you’re so bright, but now…” He hesitates, fighting off the feeling of the world around him starting to collapse. “…now that light is gone. You’re such an idiot, how long has it been that you still decide to come here everyday? You’re hurting yourself and I can’t stop you. I can’t be there to stop you. The day… the day that everything changed, I watched you die.” He shakes his head “But it wasn’t because you did. You lost us, and you fell apart… I would too. But to me, well, to all of us, we lost you, even if it’s not forever, I still lost you and I still miss you and I guess, I guess one of the reasons I feel that I still need to hold on, is that I want to protect you, I want to protect you like you always protected me.” He takes a moment to breathe and runs his hands through his hair, tears streaming down his face. “But I can’t, not… not from this.” He looks him over and covers his mouth to keep his cries from being too loud. “For God sakes just eat something, or sleep, please… please just try, and I will too. It won’t be easy, we’ve both always been stubborn.” He laughs through his tears. “I’ll be waiting for the day that we get to be together again, but please don’t speed the process up.” 

Virgil watches as Roman places the bouquets he was carrying at the foot of the grave stones, when he gets to Virgil’s own he pauses. His shoulders start to shake and tears falling down his cheeks, so heavy that some of the drops fall to water the ground. He takes the last bouquet he has and presses a kiss to one of the roses before placing it down gently. Roman draws in several deep breaths as he brings himself to trace the name carved in stone with his hand.

“I love you” Was all he could say before getting up and shuffling his feet a bit, looking at all of their names. He stands like this for awhile until he can finally collect himself enough to head back to the apartment he had bought for himself about two weeks after the accident, not wanting to live in their house alone. Virgil watches him go, like he always does, his heart heavy.

“I love you too”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it (as much as you can). I really wanted to explore the perspective of Patton, Logan, and Virgil in this fic because I had the idea that it's not just those that are alive that are grieving. (Inspired by the short story "Ghost Walk") Comments are always appreciated. Love you guys :).


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